[外電] 昨對勇士的文字轉播
http://bit.ly/Ue7JKe
這是一篇好笑的文章，至少讓我昨晚睡前非常努力的憋笑。因為我昨天沒能看比賽，
又還沒決定要不要下載比賽，所以這篇文字轉播正中紅心。總之分享給大家看看。
----------------------------------------------------------
So, here's the backstory. Last week the Rockets dropped 23 threes on the
Warriors, tying the record before Golden State coach Mark Jackson decided to
foul everyone in the state of Texas as Houston started gunning for a new
record. Jackson's move was a little self-serving -- stop them if you don't
like it -- but once a game stops being a competition and turns into a circus
then all bets are off.
所以，上禮拜火箭隊以平聯盟記錄的23顆三分讓勇士隊的教練決定要對每個在德州的人
犯規。這個決定有點自私老實說，你當然可以因為不喜歡成為背景而阻止他們，但我們
都知道當比賽已經不再具競爭性，這個三分記錄也不是這麼重要了。
After the game, Chandler Parsons ripped on M-Jax with his "Hand down, man
down!!" tweet, which is some first-rate trolling. Andrew Bogut fired back
with "C U Next Tuesday fellas!"
而在比賽後，小錢又以 Hand down, man down 這則推特狠扒了勇士隊教練的一層皮，
這是最高級的酸話btw，而Bogut也以 C U Next Tue. fellas 敲響了預告的鐘聲。
All of which made this the most heavily-anticipated Warriors-Rockets game
since the days of Sleepy Floyd and Mitchell Wiggins. So I proposed a running
diary thing to Ziller and here we are. It is at this moment that I am totally
regretting not getting a DVR, but whatever.
種種顯示了這場比賽的可看性，也因此我提議要為這場比賽寫個文字轉播。也是在此刻
我突然後悔我居然忘記準備錄影機。但...管他的!
FIRST QUARTER
Yes, Fitz! If I'm going to get one-sided play-by-play I'd like to be in the
soothing dulcet tones of Bob Fitzgerald. Don't judge. We all have our weird
League Pass things and I love me some Fitz.
Two minutes in, no extra-curriculars and just five points. I was told there
would be retribution. If this were hockey they would have dropped the gloves
on the opening tip. I'll just direct you to this classic Bomani Jones video
and leave it there.
Drive. Whistle. Free throws. Drive. Whistle. Free throws. Nine free throws in
the first 3 and a half minutes. Hey refs, let's take the two most
free-flowing teams in the league and call everything. Good deal.
Klay Thompson glides by Omer Asik, who does nothing to stop him. If this were
the '90s, Asik would have maimed Thompson. Honestly, I'm glad it's not the
'90s anymore but a little resistance there would have been appropriate in any
context.
Not going to lie. I thought about doing a Troll Tuesday about how soft the
game has become, but we all have to play to our strengths. Free column idea
for Andrew Sharp, though.
Harrison Barnes dunks. I like Barnes a lot. I think he's going to be really
good, but I wonder if he's going to just hover between good and really good
and kind of be a perpetual tease throughout his career. Thus concludes every
thought about Harrison Barnes as a basketball player.
Golden State's up 21-12, but then Harden drains a three and gets to the free
throw line to make it 21-17. This is why Harden is worth max money. There are
very few guys in the league who can size up a situation and decide to go
score when everyone in the arena is expecting you to go score.
Jarrett Jack checks in. Have I mentioned how much I love Jarrett Jack? He's
the first-half winner of the PFlanns League Pass Favorite Player Award, which
is worth absolutely nothing.
Passive-aggressive foul by Chandler Parsons lets Thompson get a three-point
play. Come on, man. You can't talk shit and then let that weak stuff happen.
At this moment twitter is reporting a "scuffle" between Utah and Oklahoma
City involving Kevin Durant, Alec Burks and DeMarre Carroll. The hell?
First quarter numbers: Both teams combined for 64 points on 48 shots. Good
god, if LeBron had 48 shots in a quarter he'd score like 240 points.
第一節
Yes, Fitz. 如果我只能得到一邊倒的轉播，我會選擇浸浴在Bob Fitzerald那平順舒服
的嗓音中。沒辦法，誰叫我只有那怪怪的league pass。
比賽過了兩分鐘了，沒啥特別酷炫的，兩隊也只得了5分。說好的復仇記呢!!! 如果這是
冰上曲棍，雙方在比賽開始前早就開打了。
切入，嗶嗶，罰球。切入，嗶嗶，罰球。比賽開始後的三分半鐘內共有九個罰球。Hey
裁判們，我們何不找全聯盟兩隊最會罰球的來比賽，然後從頭嗶到尾，嘖。
Thompson滑過Asik，後者對此沒有任何反應。如果這是在'90s，Asik說不定已經把他擊
倒了。雖然我很高興我們已經不是在'90s，但至少有點抵抗吧。
說實話，我已經開始打算要來酸今天這場比賽了。這場比賽真的很軟，但沒辦法，我想
他們也只能盡其之力了。
Barnes灌籃。我很喜歡Barnes，我覺得他之後會變得更好，但我不能確定他是不是只能
在好跟優之間游移，甚至在未來的生涯裡他有可能只是個不停的笑話。
勇士隊領先 21-12，但 Harden隨之進了個三分，並靠罰球讓比數變成21-17。這就是為
何他值得最高薪，全聯盟沒多少人有這個能力，衡量整個情勢，並在需要你的時候成功
挺身而出。
Jack checks in. 我不記得我有說過我是多麼喜歡這個球員。他是上半場贏得 PFlanns
League Pass Favorite Player Award，當然是沒有任何獎金。(PFlann是作者的自稱)
小錢犯了個笨規，要犯就要果決的犯下去啊，怎麼可以放完垃圾話之後又做出這種弱爆
了的行為。
我的推特上有人在說隔壁棚的雷霆vs爵士現在打起來了，WTF?
第一節結束，兩隊合併以48球得了64分，天啊，如果是LBJ讓他丟48球可能早就240分了
吧?
SECOND QUARTER
This Rockets lineup of Patrick Beverley, Carlos Delfino, Marcus Morris,
Parsons and Cole Aldrich is ... I dunno.
Now Jack, Barnes, Carl Landry, Richard Jefferson and Draymond Green is a
second-look lineup. This is the positional revolution in action! (Copyright:
Bethlehem Shoals. #NeverForget.)
Morris backed down Barnes who took an elbow and went down like he was shot.
Of course he got the call. Here's my soap box thing. We've got to get the
notion of taking a charge as a standard method of playing defense out of the
game. It disrupts the flow, is potentially dangerous for everyone involved
and completely defeats the purpose of aggressive offense, which most people
pay good money to watch. No one ever said, "I can't wait to watch J.J. Barea
fall down."
Somewhere along the way it was decided that taking charges equaled great
defense and that feels all wrong. Kevin Garnett, for example, never takes
charges. KG's game is positioning and angles and all kinds of small, subtle
things that get lost in his manic craziness. Taking a charge used to be a
sign of toughness, now it's derided as a flop.
Back to the game. Jarrett Jack buries a three and then hulks up at center
court. I freaking love Jarrett Jack.
Fitz and Ric Bucher are debating whether the Rockets could make 23 of 40 open
threes in an empty gym. Um, yes?
Stephen Curry's got this mean little floater when he drives down the side of
the lane. I'd be curious to see some metrics on this shot, but I like it.
The difference between Andrew Bogut protecting the rim and David Lee
protecting the rim is as long as the Golden Gate Bridge. Topical!
Between Jeremy Lin and James Harden the Rockets must lead the league in
exaggerated head bobs and neck rolls on contact. Gets them a lot of calls,
though.
Sometimes I watch the Warriors and wonder why they don't run pindowns for
Steph Curry every time down the court.
At the half, the Rockets lead 57-56 and so far this is just like every other
game. During the break I'm going to question what I've done with my life.
第二節
火箭隊的陣容是Bev, D3lfino, Morris 小錢和Aldrich，..........我無話可說...
勇士隊則是Jack, Barnes, Landry, Jefferson, Green，各位觀眾我們現在正見證了
positional revolution! 攻守位置的革命啊!
Morris的手肘打到Barnes，而後者倒的像是被槍打了。理所當然他得到吹哨。不是我要說
我們都知道要犯規是防守的一種方式，他阻撓比賽的進行，制止具侵略性的攻擊策略，而
後者正是我們花錢想看的東西。從沒人說過他好期待看到JJ Barea倒下。
現在要犯規逐漸變成優質防守的代名詞，這感覺都不對了。KG是個好防守球員，但他的防
守是位置上的，還有角度跟一些細微但重要的小動作。在過去要犯規是一種堅韌的象徵，
現在卻變成假摔。
拉回到比賽，Jack進了顆三分，blablabla，Fitz 和另個播報員在說垃圾話，爭論火箭隊
能否在空無一人的球場中，三分球40投中23。......
Curry拋出了一個漂亮的floater，blablabla。Bogut跟Lee防守籃框的差距就像金門大橋
的頭跟尾。因為Lin和Harden，我相信火箭隊應該是聯盟中數一數二，切入時有誇張的晃
頭扭頸，不過有得到一堆犯規就是了。
半場結束，火箭領先一分。我需要在這個休息時間好好思考我剛都做些什麼了。
THIRD QUARTER
Steph Curry picked up his fourth foul to start the third quarter. Jax is
leaving him in, which is the right call. Curry only commits 2.3 fouls per 36
minutes so there's no reason to panic and Jackson takes him off Lin and puts
him on Parsons who usually hangs out behind the arc. That's just smart all
the way around.
Hahaha. Parsons passed up an open three to throw a bullet pass off Asik's
stomach. David Lee one-ups him by passing up a jumper to throw a pass off
Andrew Bogut. There's such a thing as being too unselfish. Shoot the ball,
fellas.
Hmm, Harden and Curry are going shot for shot. More of this, please.
Dammit. Harden stepped on Lee's foot. He stays in to shoot the free throws
but he can barely hobble off the court.
Fitz is jumping to conclusions that Curry could replace Harden in the
All-Star Game. Something about ankles and karma is probably appropriate here.
Harden's back in the game and the Curry All-Star dream ends as quickly as it
began.
I was rough on Parsons earlier but he's balling right now. Hitting big on a
second-round pick like Parsons is like winning the lottery.
The Rockets have missed 18 of 24 threes, Twitter tells me that Kobe is
melting down, but I'm hanging tough here. Man, this is sloppy though.
Houston's up 11, the Warriors are throwing passes all over the place and
their spacing is all messed up without Curry in the game.
Glad that's over. Houston's up 88-79 and Parsons has 11 of his 19 points in
the quarter. The Rockets are running. The Warriors look gassed.
第三節
Curry得到第四個犯規，blablabla。
Hahaha 小錢選擇不投空檔三分，而是傳了高速飛球給Asik的腹部，Lee馬上跟進，不跳投
而傳給Bogut，這就太不自私了。射門啊，夥計們!
Hmmm, Harden和Curry兩人開始玩互射了。多來點這樣的演出吧
他X的，Harden踩在Lee的腳上了。他待到投完罰球，但是之後他顯然無法跳走了。
Fitz直接下結論說Curry可以代替Harden參加全明星。
然後Harden又出現了。Curry的全明星夢結束的跟開始來的一樣迅速。
我一開始對小錢太苛刻了。他現在打的一手好球，能在第二輪撿到他就像簽中樂透一樣。
火箭現在三分命中只有6-24，我的推特告訴我Kobe崩潰了，但我在這裡撐著，老天，這場
比賽好亂，火箭領先11分，勇士則是讓球到處飛，沒有Curry他們的空間分布好糟。
火箭88-79領先，小錢在這節拿了11分。勇士另一方面看起來累壞了。
FOURTH QUARTER
Carlos Delfino X-factor three. Drink!
Hilarious Benny Hill sequence that starts with Asik falling down is followed
by a bevy of turnovers and more bodies on the ground, and ends with Curry
draining a three to make it 91-86. Maybe we've got a game?
Maybe not as Asik dunks to make it 95-86. Maybe we do, as Jack knocks down a
three. Every time that dude makes a shot it's like he just discovered
electricity.
Morris just yammed on David Lee who is to defense what Asik is to aesthetics.
Lee gets revenge the only way he knows how, by scoring on Morris at the other
end. That's how they settle things out West, you see.
Dayum, Morris did it again, but this time it was on Bogut. Nasty.
Seriously, does Delfino makes threes that aren't by definition killers? That
one makes it 104-93 and it's slowly slipping away.
This is like that last pickup game at the Y where both teams make a pact to
not play any defense.
Pretty give-and-go from Lee to Curry makes it 107-99. Maybe? Eh, Thompson
missed a three, Curry missed a wide-open jumper and Parsons goes baseline for
the dunk. At this point it seems pretty clear that Bogut is not fully healthy.
Jackson mercifully puts in Draymond Green, who gets an offensive board and a
stop on Parsons. But now Golden State can't score.
Say good night. Harden drains a three to make it 114-101. He's got 27 points
on 22 shots, which is not the most efficient night but sometimes you gotta do
what you gotta do and Harden made a ton of big plays in crucial moments.
David Lee decides to foul out 80 feet from the basket, which is just strange.
Rockets win 116-107. Parsons backs it up with 21 points, 8 rebounds and 9
assists and Asik controlled the paint. Houston's won 8 of 12 since losing
seven in a row and the Warriors are officially in free fall having lost five
straight.
We'll let Bogut have the last word via the great Marcus Thompson:
"We're not there yet. We're not where we think we are. I think we thought we
were a little bit better than what we are."
第四節
D3lfino!!! X-Factor!!!
地板抹油! Asik跌了一跤，緊接著是一堆失誤，然後是更多躺在地板上的身體們。最後是
Curry投進一顆三分，91-86，緊張?
不，Asik灌了一顆，95-86。緊張? Jack投進一顆三分，每次這傢伙投進球，都一副發現
"電"的驚喜模樣。
Morris擠過Lee，Lee今天的防守就像Asik之於美感。
Lee知道如何報仇，他在另一端越過Morris並得分。這就是西部的人處理事情的方式。
但Morris又在另一端得分了，這次是Bogut。
老實說，Delfino有任何一顆三分不是致命的嗎? 他的三分讓比數拉到104-93，遊戲慢慢
可以看出結果了。
(中間省略...實在有點長而且不(ㄍㄣ)是(ㄏㄨㄛˇ)很(ㄐㄧㄢˋ)感(ㄨˊ)興(ㄍㄨㄢ)趣
晚安了各位，Harden投進一顆三分讓比數拉開到114-101，他投了27顆但只有22分，不漂
亮但有時你就是得做你會做的。他至少在關鍵時刻做了很多漂亮的球。
Lee決定要在離籃框80 ft的地方犯滿。Hmmm
火箭以116-107贏了比賽，小錢21pt, 8reb, 9ast，Asik完全控制禁區。火箭自七連敗後
是8-12，而勇士正式進入五連敗的自由落體。
-------------------------------------
天啊 我希望這場不要太難看...
--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 203.73.34.194
推
02/14 14:23, , 1F
02/14 14:23, 1F
推
02/14 15:04, , 2F
02/14 15:04, 2F
→
02/15 03:58, , 3F
02/15 03:58, 3F