[難過] 被負面情緒包裹的人消失
在發文前
剛又跟媽媽起了爭執
嗯..“又”起了爭執
從小..我就懷疑自己不是爸媽親生的
即使媽媽跟親戚們提出證據
我還是只想承認我是我爸的小孩
除了..我跟他同血型.有同樣的遺傳病症外
那就是我感受到我爸是真的把我當他的小孩的疼愛
可惜 我爸在我小學的時候就走了
到了一個我觸不到他看不到他的地方
接著疼我的爺爺奶奶也相繼去陪爸爸了
只剩下媽媽...
我們家有三個小孩
我是老大
從小,媽媽就要求我的成績
嗯..只有我
從高中就要求我打工
嗯..只有我
大學搬出學校宿舍,房租生活費自理
嗯..只有我
畢業後,繳家裡的房租
嗯..還是只有我
弟妹做錯事被罵的..
嗯...也只有我
反應也沒用 因為我媽反應更大.....
“妳覺得我偏心嗎?”
“妳覺得不公平嗎?”
“妳為何要記恨?”
不能回答“是”,因為會挨一頓打罵...
我只能選擇沉默...
畢業後..工作一直不順
“我栽培妳讀到XX大學有什麼用,還不是領這麼低的薪水?人家誰誰誰的兒子,畢業就去
XX公司當工程師,起薪就三萬八”
(我是文科)
“一定是妳太胖,所以老闆不想請妳”
“一定是妳都不打扮,所以老闆不想看到妳”
“一定是妳工作效率太差或是偷懶甚至不夠努力,才會惹老闆不高興”
“一定是妳上班嗆老闆,老闆才會不高興”
澄清過:
1. 文科理科起薪本來就不同,不能放一起比
2.如果是因為身材,那老闆幹嘛錄取我
3.同上
4.我上班不玩手機.不看新聞.不看FB.
半天就把待辦事項做完.
為了工作請教很多前輩
看了很多相關理論書籍
5.我自認工作中對老闆尊重.回應得宜
對同事,除非是朋友了可以開開小玩笑的外,就是禮貌再禮貌
但我媽除了酸還是酸
不然就是嗚耳朵聽不到聽不到的模式..
親戚勸我搬出來住
但弟妹覺得我媽像移動式炮臺
雖然少對他們發射
偶爾還是會被流彈波及
已表明畢業後不回家住
雖然她從小沒少打罵我
但至少在我爸過世後獨立扶養三個小孩很辛苦
如果連我都放下她
那她一個人就太可憐了
但親戚朋友都說我再不跟媽媽保持距離
可能我要去身心科掛號了...
有同病相憐但已找到解決辦法的版友嗎?
BTW..我媽是天蠍又屬虎.....
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